It’s just a blink and I have lived a life in between….

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That’s true, it was just a blink…

And I have lived a life within.

The features I could see, the amount of satisfaction I get,

Surely it is a life, life full of free breathes,

sense of awareness and that boundless joy..

The serene, beauty, pleasure, spontaneity…my life unfolds them for me

I am overjoyed, I bow , I say….thank you.

Deep within my soul, life has taken root for itself,

I can feel the grasp, happiness slowly whispering its melody,

Life is beautiful I heard, now I am celebrating the fairness of it.

Was just a blink and took me into an era of nobility..

I see you in between the blink, a new me

the charm I have, was never before,

the confidence I carry is recreated…a new me

Being invited to you, an invitation to within,

something precious, sanity, unpolluted….

The shared laughs, the glee,

moments of maturity and youth…

called a life 🙂

I am conscious now and was then too…

I have lived a life in between as I see you in between

I am alive with an aura of sun, love, life…

I say Thank you 🙂

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Idle time to be utilized. How? :P ;)

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Idle time to be utilized. How?

:Constructively…

:Really! How??

:Ummm, something relating to your hobby like dancing, singing, painting, traveling, playing football or writing poems. Whatever your hobby, just nurture it…

:Okay. What if my hobby includes all and none.

:Excuse me! Are you saying you like to do all at one time!?!?

: Nope, but all these I can do when I have time. What to do when I have ample of idle time?

: Didn’t get you

: Oh , leave it. I knew it nobody can get a little of this dilemma.Tell me something about when you say- “constructively”… how it suppose to work..

: I meant use your time which gives you pleasure as well knowledge. Don’t waste time sitting idle. Pick one of your hobby and sharpen it, nurture it. It will add skills to your resources as well you won’t get bored and you will enjoy while doing this.

: Ahh… now kinda clear on this. So here’s my dilemma. I pick something as my hobby and after pursuing it for some days…it seems a job to me and no fun after that.

: Oh boy. Then pick another one and get involved with the new one.

: You could not get it, could you? In this process of picking one, then dropping the same, picking a new one and again dropping it- how can I sharpen my skill set ??

: True….umm

: See

: Okay, let’s play another game.

: Which one?

: Some other topic. Something you read recently, a movie you watched recently- you want to talk about.

: Oh yeah. Last week I watched two movies. Both are nice. I enjoyed the later one more- the martians. I was bit late for Everest as I watched it after 1 week of its  worldwide release.

Everest based on a true story, 1996 Everest disaster. Of course it has sad ending. I wished Rob Hall should have come back, he was a nice fellow. All were nice but since he was the central character, I felt for him. But direction wise, I think there are some loopholes in this movie. I won’t go to the technicality as I am not proficient in that. But as an audience, I failed to relate at some points. I could not see the struggle or how difficult it is to climb mount Everest . What I could see that climbing mount Everest is not that difficult if you have extra oxygen cylinders and an expert guide. What the director or script writer assumed that as if we already knew that how does it feel to climb on world’s highest peak called Everest or even descending. That’s my take.

Ohh, now the Sci-Fi the Martians. Based on a novel, the movie is humorous, survival of one man on a barren planet, least expected but nice to see collaboration between America-China on technology, Indian brain (V Kapoor) and humanity after all. Hope this gonna true in near future , not all this creepy adventure but yes human on mars. Jordan is new Mars on planet Earth 😀 and the movie also taught us that mars soil has adequate microbes to grow ‘potato’ at least. Nevertheless it is a beautiful imagination and humorous representation on screen. After Interstellar this space movie gave me big broad smile on my face and ahhh…cool one. How I wish… all this could happen in my life time .

No need to say, after I had finished with Everest, the movie, I went thru wikipedia and read about the summits. It is extremely difficult, dangerous and extraordinary experience for human life. Salute to those Heros who made an attempt , who thought to ascend, who did it . No words , respect, respect, respect.

: You kinda movie person. Are not you?

: Don’t know

: So what’s gonna be your next treat?

: Ohh, The walk – I am excited about it 🙂

: Good. But my idea is that let’s do something constructive in your idle time…ok

: Yeah, teach me something you learnt about constructive things… 😛

Feel good, be good n do good!

Feel good, be good n do good!

Our brain is a nonstop work machine. It never gives up, it runs without a break. When we sleep? I don’t know. It sees dreams, that is also working , no. So here is the thing. Think good, think nice, think something positive, something which makes us feel good. It is amazing to feel good. It creates a chain of reaction inside us, it makes us energetic, calm, stable and more optimistic. So while our brain loves to work, feed him good. Feed him awareness, optimism, gratitude, love, serenity… feed him all kind of feel good factors we know. It will replicate inside our head, our brain will create thousands of replica for the same. Our brain is a very good engineer. It manifests brighter version of things we provide as raw material to it. We provide a dream of bright future, it give us back a brighter future, a loving partner, a caring family, supportive friends. We feed it with praise and blessings, it will shower with love, blessings,happiness and more n more of these. Learn it, practice it and keep practicing. It is an amazing gift to us from our brain. Let us bear it as it is ours. Don’t let this slip from us, it belongs to us, so we should take care of it, nurture this and awaken ourselves.

Sometimes you really feel good that the universe is just working for you. That’s true. Universe is actually working for you. And it works to make our dream come true. So each dream we see ,we actually sends a message to the universe that yes this is what we want. And it starts working to make it true for us just then only. So let’s dream beauty, success, peace, love, friendship, prosperity, well being and happiness. Yes I am dreaming for all of the above and my universe is working and I am receiving these good things. The cosmic energy, supreme power and the eternal belief system are same and abundance. The source is unlimited and there are everything for everyone. We just need to manifest this and reap the sweetness of result. Recently I am inspired from “the secret”. It is awesome, an empowering journey while reading it. Thanks for the opportunity I got to read this. Went to a friend’s place and found this book. Started reading at once and I was totally engrossed into it. I came back and ordered the book. Thankful to the friend who has kept this book and I got a chance to get a glimpse of it.

Life’s an wonderful experience. Make it bigger, beautiful, full of love, hope,excitement and joyful. Admire, be thankful, praise n bless. Think happy,be happy n live happy. 🙂 🙂

Yes, someone said so “life goes on”. True, life goes on. You stop counting days, seconds when every moment you believe is for you. Yes, every moment is for you where you smile , laugh, rejoice and celebrate. Believe in it, this life is yours and it is for you to live it. Live the life , enjoy the moments. The goodness with you is for multiplication.Harvest this goodness to reap wellness, success, peace, love and abundance. The moment you enjoy and decide this is gonna continue for your life time, you actually have done miracle at that very moment. So life goes on, so your happiness increases. See your dreams, realize it and live them. See the happiest dream for you, which cheers you, which makes you smile, which makes you feel complete. Go for dreams and live them. That’s it. Simple. Let go the worries. Live your life and dreams. Believe and smile.

Life goes on 🙂

And sometimes we fall and we go with a flow of thoughts which constantly forces for something which deny. We deny to do it in our conscious but we forcefully go in that flow. Don’t condemn yourself then. Rather relax, take a deep breath and ask yourself what are you doing now. Your conscious will answer. That is the moment of your awareness. I agree sometime it is harder to awake or to reverse the flow. Don’t push, don’t act superficially. Take a walk, channelise your energy, peacefullye xercise physical, sit and smell your sweat and say it is nice, repeat that it is nice, think nice nn feel nice. One secret always shift your focus and energy cause that’s not your job. That’s universe’s job and it is working. So shift your focus and energy and feel fresh, new and happy. Be nice and stay nice. Cool!

Believe in good, feel good, be good n do good!

Let it be !

Some days we are terribly bored. I generally get bored easily. “Please delete my no, this is a request” – seems this line punctured my heart. Remember my story , if you guys read it ” Weird sounds cool to me until yesterday” . I was weird that day and later on I felt awful and hence I apologized. I managed things but not particularly. It almost became a game of “yes, no, may be etc”… I was playing almost in a winning spree, I was not giving up. He was my toughest competitor , he was also not giving up. It’s me who gave up. I gave up. And “he wins” that’s what I declared. I did not give up out of frustration. I gave up because I realized I am not game kind. I should not be playing this game. Else trust me I could have played it endlessly.

We decided to meet at 10 pm at his place. Additionally he added few lines which were intentionally incorporated by him to make me feel sorry and to withdraw from this game. I ignored his lines and showed enthusiasm to come. Till then I was winning. At very last moment he played the trick and postponed it. When I was about the win, I declared my defeat. I let him win because I wanted to stay out of any game now. I analyzed, understood that I should let him win only. That would be actually a victory for me to let him celebrate his victory and to spare me from this game.

But then he said “Please delete my no, this is a request” – Oh! this hurts. What does it mean??  “Delete my no because I am hurt too” or ” delete my no because tomorrow you may call me and I don’t want you to call me” . Whatever it is , I miss him now. Though then promptly I deleted his no showing “yup dude, see I am not bothered even” . I do miss him now. Don’t know this is love? If it is love, then hope he will feel the same.

I can describe him with flowery words, but I won’t here. For the first time, the unsaid feelings of him such serene to my soul. (I am a very romantic, emotional (selected instances), dreamy person. Hence, thoughts in my mind actually take me to some other level and I start panicking.) What exactly store for me I don’t know, this guy is different or my feelings are getting matured with time or my expressions are not so clear- don’t know. I am damn sleepy. This is one of the reason also, he didn’t ping me by 10pm and I was sleepy . Bye for now guys.

Weird sounds cool to me until yesterday. My story! ..

I am quite angry with me. I don’t know how to express it,  directly thru my words. I wish before writing I could have votes done. I am putting it down in plain , simple language of mine and exactly what it is- yes directly as it is.

I am angry with me because I am terrible. I end up doing things whatever I never wished to do. My mind keeps on thinking on unnecessary stuffs and it becomes restless till it does something silly. I think I lost a nice guy yesterday. Nice because he is nice. Read the below paragraphs to get a grasp on whole thing.

My story goes on like this- my first boyfriend, I can call him jerk. But I was not aware of it in the beginning because I made a castle , own ideologies. I exercised all my patience, kindness, love , affection with him and today I am literally out of all these things mentioned above. He robbed me (robbing literally I mean financially). He showed up only then when he was in need of it. I am a kind soul I believe and I like to help. If he had asked me for help, I would have helped him surely. But he preferred the other way, he made me believe that he is emotionally attached to me and I was losing the game. Yeah, it was the game he played . One day I got up and I won. I decided to made my way and just to forget the time and forgive me for everything. I tortured myself with restlessness, sleepless nights, thinking & pondering when he will tell me truth. I know girls would like to tell me things- “why would you let him to do so? Why would you wait for him to tell you the truth? when you realised that things are messy, why didn’t you slap on his face and move on? “. Girls I appreciate your thoughts, if I was in your place I would have told this silly girl “me” the same thing. And I tried to convince her at last and the stupid “me” finally moved on, but that was late , time consumed. Time is the most valuable, then  your feelings and choices you made in your life.

He is not my second boyfriend, rather a good friend. One of my best friend. We use to share lot of things of our misery and happiness. We use to lend each other shoulder , we could share our smallest achievements and poorest shameful act. Yeah, we had a nice bonding. But we were not couple. Being open and nice to each other for a range of time, undoubtedly we grew up feelings for each other but at different points. He was attracted to me when I was indifferent to him and I had feelings for him when he was not in the same context.  Since we were open to each other and cared for each other we actually discussed this topic. We agreed that we are very good as friends and definitely would be worse as couple. We have our ego issues like mountains, we have same temperament. Only common thing we share is that we both are compassionate towards needy and great as friends. And we both didn’t want to lose a very good friend, we decided not to mess this. But this was not suppose to happen anyway. Since we had already brought this topic for discussion and accepted our feelings, we actually messed it up and we are apart now. He could not say good bye , but I said it loudly that we lost each other as friends even.

Yesterday I did a terrible mistake. He is nice, cute. I thought I could marry this guy. Met him six months back. He is smart and sweet. Lately things were not moving between us, it was stagnant and I became restless. Something steady and stagnant makes me awkward, uncomfortable. And as I mentioned earlier, I had lost all my good points in my first relationship, so sometimes I become impulsive. Few days back, he said he can’t continue and I was behind him to know the reason. He had no reason and apparently we settled a peace pact.I showed some maturity there and very soon couple of weeks after I proved I am a twelve year old kid. Anyways it was a nice feeling being back with him. And I don’t need to explain or tell about him much because if you read my first line that “I could marry this guy” says much about him. He is nice. One day I felt he is ignoring me and I acted something really stupid. He called it as “weird” and “it’s not going to work out between us” . Ouch, that hurts. I have nothing to defend because I myself realised much before that I was about to be weird. Then also I acted like that. My one act put me to shame, so I could not stand up and ask for anything not even apology.

The point is that when I knew it was wrong, it is going to be wrong , then why did I do it? No one prompted me to do so, when I hate this act ( what i did), why the hell I did this at first place? What was going on in my mind? Was I suspicious,stubborn, was I really weird or was I trying to save my feelings not to be get hurt anymore?? When I believe all men are not same and this particular person is way different from past, why could not I be little patient with this man? I am the one who loves to find faults in her, to dig in her own self to get an answer for the mess. But the fundamental problem in me is that I create the mess and then I dig for a solution or answer whereas what I should be doing as to create a prevention to avoid the mess. Two, three things are occupying my mind now – ” I should get past of my past hurts and I should not act as probe for the bad experiences I had” , ” I should not invite misery thru my thoughts” , and most importantly ” my sincere apology for my weird act and I wish he would understand this “.

Weird sounds cool to me until yesterday !!

We failed in providing reservations to us !!

We belong to a developing nation. We are dreaming to beat other fast growing nations, we have declared to achieve the target within the given timeline, we are making ourselves to be self-sufficient, competent enough. Cool idea! This what we have been aspiring for past 60 years. We blame British rule, colonial hypocrisy, later on corruption, poor politics, lack of vision, population, poverty and other n no of factors for our slow pace of growth or no growth.

And what we are fighting for here within to achieve that, let’s count-

Power based politics, gender biases, hygiene, caste system, laid back attitude, black money, blame game… I am not citing here the problems of security, economical crisis, or any international issues like global oil price, terrorism etc. I am just concentrating on in-house issues, the issues we triggered within our house for no growth. So additionally to above issues we have another major subject which always interests all kind of intellectuals across world is – Great Indian caste system! Yes, as per my little knowledge is concerned and as I was told or taught , based on caste system reservation/quota system was introduced to give preferences or support for backward classes to compete with others- which is fair. Being such a  vast country with so many classes/grades in society there are certain masses have been always behind a certain upgraded class. So let’s give them a hand to rise , so that entire nation will be on same platform , and we all are in same platform we can compete fairly with each other and propel growth of a healthy, sound nation. Cool idea surely and how fancy it sounds. What about the result after that ?

How badly we played our cards, we used this trump card for politics, power and corruption. When will this stop? When will the entire nation be on same platform, all uniformity? When? Various stats are available. After providing reservations for past 5-6 decades we failed majorly to uplift the society.

This issue has a twist and captured attention again on recent development. Interesting! Apparently in the most forward state, one of the most affluent community asking for reservation and they are not asking rather they are threatening to snatch it as this is their right. I am not surprised at all. When we start a system based on caste and untouchability (which could not clearly defined by then) and year on year we ignored economic status, the availability of facilities to the needy ones, this will be the result. The powerful will showcase its power in grabbing the opportunity. I am not blaming them at all. We taught them , no matter how affluent you are , if you belongs to some social community which is not dominant now or was not dominant at some period of time/history we have in our record then we can announce you “reserved” category.

People like me were indifferent to it till now. Yes, I was indifferent because I am not entitled for any reserved category and neither I can change the system. People who are little smarter than the rest, they make their way to other countries. At this very situation, they are raising their voice on top saying ” don’t blame us. Coz of your pseudo policy for uniformity , we leave you much earlier” . As if they didn’t excel here , as if they were not trained here, as if largest economy only adopted them before they were born identifying their talents and trained them as talent. Anyways, they are smart and they thought they deserve a smarter world, fair deal. But all these are wrong approach. Wrong approach by silently approving the system so long in either way-  staying here compete with yourself, fall, rise and then fall , second- going abroad, hiding from yourself and cursing others.

Present system broadly 49.5 are reserved on caste basis, other 50.5% is open for all including all caste, sports/ex army/ (sometimes female quotas). And the funniest thing is that these 49.5% where we are promoting those socially backward castes who are getting all kind of facilities, who are already uplifted and not really the needy one. The needy ones are actually competing among the rest 50% . We declare minority to a community based on their nos and then reserved a category for them. Some state has even reservation upto as high as 66.6% .

Are we trying to achieve a parity like this , ever ? If we were capable of a revolution , i am sure it would have happened yet. If we were honestly desired for a uniformity , we would have achieved it long back. I dismiss the level of challenge to think as a progressive nation, a society. I dismiss the threat of uniformity. The voice is heard by all across the country because one affluent community of a forward state are demanding for reservation based on their caste. This is the mirror of our present society, system and level of humanity left in us if their is some level still there.

You are an experience which has no substitute!

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You are amazingly cute.
Sweetness you have is irresistible,
Those infectious smiles make me impatient to see more of those.
The perfect innocence, you carry with you is incredible.
Adorable!
Sweetheart,
Thinking of you, is just an experience which has no substitute.
Bright sunshine, golden country side, chilling winter nights, unknown deep forest, glittering springs, birds sing, wonderland, All joys sum up…
Sublime is limitless
And
Thinking of you ,an experience which has no substitute…

That cup of coffee was not mine and it’s just a bad day..

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I think I was in love,
Love with coffee,
I am not a racist , I can prove it
Black is my love in coffee
The lonely time I have with a cup of coffee,
Is something that I don’t look for very often…
But I couldn’t withhold to the call of it even
This time it betrayed me
Sitting in a coffee house,
Alone
Could not enjoy the hot,bitter sip
which usually soothes my soul..
‘I am betrayed…
I doubt my love interest
Coffee is not anymore??’
I fumbled, I looked inside in a disbelief
When?
Definitely rainy monsoon, late night coffee…
I realised certainly now it’s not coffee..
I was neither disappointed nor glad
I looked back at the crowd, tried to listen the music while leaving the coffee house…
These were not me
Have I been deceiving myself since so??
Or it’s just a bad day??
I cried, and finally I called it for a day..

How you judge your attraction! I don’t know either…

What are you attracted to ? How do you define what you like and what you don’t. Is there always a scientific reason (other than your brain,neuron functions) or logic. I am not a scientist nor a psychologist. So what I am trying to understand in simple layman language how do you sense that you are attracted to something…??

I have come across some people with few varieties, had few experience as of now. In both cases my attraction to something is not instant. I never swayed by a person instantly neither I love a situation just like that. For certain things I am naturally inclined to like nature, sea, mountains, flow of river, greenery of forest, call for adventure. For other things like calmness of a music, richness of a book/literature, vividness of a painting/art/movie – these are my optional attraction. Sometime I am totally engrossed into all these and sometimes I am completely detached.

About people/persons in my life, I have never been thru a situation where I like somebody instantly and then after couple of days my perception changed or vice versa. I consider myself observant rather than judgemental. I take my time to open up with people, that time span can vary, depending upon person, situation and environment. I am not saying I have not misread people, yes I have not got to know the real one underneath his/her mask. But being comfortable with people is what I generally mean here. I personally don’t prefer to hide or show off something which is not me to others. At very time , if I am not comfortable with somebody I would prefer to keep my things with me only, why to say it loud when you are not convinced with others. I keep praising people for their niceness, I don’t like to criticize others if they don’t ask for it though I have a view of my own which I know can be right or wrong…either way it can be possible. But I find it unnecessary to point out their loop-holes intentionally to make them feel miserable or uncomfortable. I don’t like to ask everyone to act accordingly my wish. Yeah, in a process silently I make up mind to avoid what with whom that is purely based on my long term observation. I love to hang out with people whose frequency matches with mine in that particular period of time. Yes, I am mentioning ‘in that period of time’. Because as i mentioned certain things are optional for me. My inclinations are optional. I don’t disown somebody I liked but sometimes I don’t feel like to talk to them – this is temporary. I call it my kingdom of boredom. I call these things that I am bored now which is temporary, because I never let down people who trust me nor the people I like. And sometimes it happened with me also, I couldn’t connect to a person , so I limited my contact with him/her. I speak to them just to keep a negative vibe away from all of us, again that talk is never initiated by me. I find certain people are just mirror image of mine. We have same temperament, same views about the outer world, same inner faith. But we often fall out on small issues. One example-as we both have same temperament we both unknowingly want to have last word in an argument, and then suddenly we realised we are different persons. We could have same compassion but certainly difficult to cope up with. Hence mirror images also doesn’t fit in this theory. Being mirror images attraction is high, post that disaster, it is not sustainable. Also I can’t get attracted to a person who doesn’t match with my moral ethics irrespective of his/her reputation or charm.

I know a variety of people. If I concentrate of those which I intended to talk here those won’t be many in nos. For my work topic to discuss, I am comfortable with one or two. Similarly for relationships- one person, for non topic discussion -one or two, for emotions – one person, for entertainment- one or two person . And interestingly they can’t get along with each other. It’s me who is common among all but they are not at all attracted to each other. Seriously, never able to arrange a get together with all of them at one place successfully, just to save my time. Sometimes I felt like to split me into different pieces and to distribute among them..haha.

Have you ever been falling in a trap of perfectly liking somebody?? How you measure it- what it is? How come you like somebody without analysing? Does it sound strange or familiar? I myself care for it that whether somebody reciprocates my approach or feelings or not. Though I pretend to outer world that I am not concerned (which is true many times- I give a damn to others who doesn’t matter to my mind or heart and I am always indifferent to them. I don’t hate them nor fake my love to them) . But yes, at times whom I like perfectly , i do care a bit how his/her perception about me. I have never get an answer to this. Possibly , I have not put my effort to know it or possibly this attraction is so innocent.

So when somebody says it doesn’t click, I can’t get it. I am not aware of other person’s thought process or his/her judgement towards attraction. I believe for every inference there must be some observations in the experiment. If my inference is not solid then for sure my observations were not clear, that indicates fault in my experiment.

What is your view. How do you judge your attraction??….

Random secrets….

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I looked back at him. He seemed to be calm ,and that made me restless. I know a man has been going thru inner turbulent when he appears to be most composed. I gazed at him deeply, giving a subtle hint that “don’t shy, I know -you are not well, allow me to stand there with you ” . I asked him thru my silence to trust me as his old fashioned companion. He was standing there with conviction of a self potent man. I didn’t contest to his point . Surely, you are one of them. And you missed my point that I am one of the women who can let go the man she deserves but certainly she can’t let the man to stand alone, who deserves her.
It was not a perfect opportunity for an offer to make. But definitely one of the moment of truth. You take her or you confess. You confess your heart, your mind, allow your soul to unveil that deep down emotions you pretended for so long ,was not there at first place. I know it’s there, right beneath your senses. You tried not to confront, so I didn’t check on that purposely. But I knew you are no different from me. No different…
I put my effort to convince him. I was not petrified by his indifference. I seek the heavenly support to empower me. This power needed to guide my soul to penetrate his secrets which made him awfully concrete. Didn’t want to destroy his secrets, rather wanted to unfold it. So he could see a new light, he could carry those without burden, he could walk his way with ease. I smiled at him as I believed it is going to happen soon. I couldn’t let you stand alone when you deserve me to be with you then there at very moment.

Thinking and waiting for the moment to come, sometimes make it harder. Realised concentrating all of your energy at one point, makes that thing much stronger unknowingly. So loose hands, set it free, stay away from it. Little time and distance is not unhealthy. These were my idea at that very moment when adrenaline rushing thru my veins. My mind could not rest a bit, it keeps on asking – why, and why?? He didn’t give the answer then, he has not replied yet. The promise I made to myself then to stand with him , hold his hands, I would fulfill my promise. I needed an weapon to dig into him, an opening to enter. I know the rock solid he appeared, he was not. Something a miss, something. Some point I had overlooked previously can be my clue now. The opening into his mind will be the sacred one…let me explore once more.

I am prone to anxiety, my healthy mind sometimes completely surrenders to my hasty emotional imagination. Knowing my weakness, I had a faith within that I can able to release him from his secrets. I had been curious earlier about him and me. Now, I was having this undisturbed will in me for him. the more I was telling this to me, the more I was getting relaxed.

So I decided to walk a bit forward, then to turn back and see. Sometimes our near distance vision is impaired and we can able to read or see things clearly from a distance. Since I was looking for that sacred hint to see him, i decided to walk a bit forward.

I was hopeful and determined that things will unfold for better. Meanwhile I turned around to have a glance of his once and saw him little weaker. His pale face was saying exactly what I assumed sometime ago. Still this is not the time to go back. Women think, women care and women wander unnecessarily. If you trust your man , you trust yourself. So, trust him that he can stand sometime alone without failing. You were kinder to him, be little kind to you. Go and sit , have some coffee, you have not had anything since then. Enjoy some breeze around you, breathe, smell your sweat, you have been running. Nobody asking you to sing, dance or drink, just be calm for sometime. He would be fine, he had looked stronger when you were near to him, he seemed faint and weak when you are little away from him. Might be, he is not aware of that you are right there for him, But you knew it very well you are always there for him. You know, you will go back .So no need to fear, you know yourself better than him, so be calm and have some coffee….I told all these to myself while gulping my sip of black coffee…

I finished my coffee in a hurry as I was not stable, my mind has been running like a machine with infinite speed. The machine which has not a pause machine. I ran back to him. He was there, standing still. Tell me how come I wouldn’t fall for him. Anyways, he extended his hand towards me. I hold it at once. Didn’t think a thing, he whispered it was a hand for friendship. I murmured ‘what? . I am the one who is infinitely positive about you.’ I said ‘I don’t know’. He said ‘ you don’t want to be with me…’ . I smiled. That’s all I expected to hear as of now. We returned to our normal dorm, we were in ease.

Don’t know what changed, what’s going on. Has he played something in his mind, was it a test, am I passed ? Or something still there and he wants to keep that in himself only. What about my promise to make him free from his secrets. Or was there no secret. So many questions, but I asked me to keep aside those thoughts away for sometime. Let me settle down a bit. Let me see him till I am satisfied, let him consume me till he can trust. His trust what I need more than anything. He is sure I care for him. Let him trust that this feeling is mutual, that we think about each other…

Continued…..